I'm in a slump and have been feeling this way since November. I have been given an oppurtunity to join a fast with the church and blogging and my computer is what I will be fasting. I need to live in the real world, and use the time that I spend on my computer doing other things, healing, reading the bible, praying and pushing myself to figure some issues out.

I know through this God is going to teach me many things and heal alot of hurt and it feels wierd to say that I'm excited for this. I'm longing to be a happier person, to see the small things and not dwell on the big things. See you in 40 days!!!

Depressed and worried I may be, but I can still enjoy things like this.....



One of my favorite movies....

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr. Suess

Well right now I feel pretty damn conflicted. I know I should move home. I know that it would help me save money and all that jazz. But I seriously can not give Koda up. The thought alone is so upsetting. I know many people are shaking their heads, saying to me that he's just a cat, but I want to tell you why I can't give him up. Koda saved me from myself.

I was 20 when I made some pretty stupid life decisions. I don't have the greatest luck, and life was definalty going down a path that I was uncomfortable with but couldn't stop. I took that summer to myself. Not sharing the pain and uncertainity with anyone, just hoping that everything would go away and my life would go back to the way it was.

Fast forward to the middle of August, in one weekend life had taken another horrible turn, as well as I found out my grandmother had passed away. I was honestly beside myself. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything besides lay on my bed and cry, in my dark, musty, bacholor pad shit hole of an apartment.

I went home to the funeral and decided that I had to change something in my life. I decided that I would get a nicer apartment and that would change my life around. I started back to school, and figured that life was going to be like normal.

Nope I was wrong. I still could barely think. I became depressed and upset and considered ending my life, as I still hadn't been able to tell anyone about the past summer.

I was student teaching by then in a grade one classroom at a christian school. I had decided that I would finish my term there and then go home for Christmas for one last goodbye and then I would come back and kill myself. On one of my last days at the school, I took my class to a pet store, and thats where I was introduced to Koda. He was my classes favorite animal at the pet store. He was passed from student to student and didn't do anything more then purr and cuddle. I was the last one to hold him and he made me feel so loved and wanted, that I asked the pet store owner to hold him until the end of the day. I was coming back to buy my new baby.

I went and picked up the kitten, and took him home. I had lots of arguments from my family and from friends about why I shouldn't have a kitten, but I held fast and refused to give him up. I have never regretted my decision to get Koda. I don't know if anyone can ever understand his quirks, like how he likes to lay on your arms while your on the computer, how he likes to sit on your shoulder while you do the dishes.

Who is going to understand what it means when he paws the blanket. No one else will understand the 5 different crys he has. How about the way he will walk infront of my computer screen when he wants attention.

I guess thats the story of Koda. I'll post DJ's soon.

Do or die.....

Well I was hoping that it wouldn't come to this.

Come the end of the month it looks like I'm going to have to give notice on this place. I will have to move back into my parents house until I can find something that gives me a little more money. I was really hoping to find a roommate but it doesn't seem to be working. Its quite an awkward time to look for a roommate.

The saddest part of moving home is that I have to find somewhere for my cats. I don't know of anyone who can take both of them. I kinda want them to stay together. They are good buds and play all the time together.

I can handle the moving back to my parents, it will suck but I think I'll be okay, its the losing the cats part. I can't seem to think about it without crying. I know many friends read this, so if you know of anyone..... either as a roommate or a cat boarder. Please let me know. Just comment and I'll get back to you. I'm desperate.

Tagged

Well I was tagged, so I did it,


1. How old will you be in five years?
I will be 28 turning 29.

2. Whom did you spend at least two hours with today?
The last hour I spent with Koda and DJ watching a movie, and before that I was driving my brothers home to Findlater.

3. How tall are you?
Not very - I’m 5 feet, 6 inches.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six months?
My 24th birthday, uhhhh, nothing really exciting is planned.

5. What’s the last movie you saw in the theater?
Blood Diamond, in like December. How lame am I??

6. Who was the last person you called?
I called my friend Toe, shes having her tonsils out tomorrow so I phoned to tell her good luck and eat lots of Jello.

7. Who was the last person to call you?
some guy that I don't like, but I screen my calls, so I didn't answer. Am I bad? Maybe, but there was a ton of heartbreak about 7 years ago from him, and I refuse to go down that road. I may have forgiven but I haven't forgotten.

8. Who was the last text message you received from?
Bahahahahaha, Wayne, telling me that I'm a horrible person and that everything that "J" said about me was true. Do I care, not that much actually!

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
stupid boy I meantioned in #7

10. Do you prefer to call or text?
depends on what I have to say.

11. What were you doing at 12 A.M. last night/this morning?
I was most definatly sleeping.

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Well my parents arn't married, as my mom is deceased, but my Dad is remarried.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Close to 20 years ago.

14. What color are your eyes?
Hazel. I have always wanted Green though.

15. What time did you get up today?
8, as I'm taking a class at the church and it starts at 930. By the way, I really like the class!

16. What are you wearing right now?
Is the worse pickup line ever. Just so you know, but I'm wearing a sweater and jeans.

17. What is your favorite song?
I keep going to listen to the "You are my Sunshine" Song. Sad I know, but I just like it.

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
with my family, the extended one. I enjoy listening to the banter and discussions that always happen.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Alone at home when its cold outside.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
To BC to take care of Toe, or somewhere warm.

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
I really hope that I will be teaching full time, in a grade 2 or 3 classroom. I also hope that I will have the children I plan on adopting home, or on their way home. I would love to own my own house and just be happy.

22. Do you tan or burn?
Well since my disasterous burn in 2001, where I was as red as a lobster for about 3 weeks, I can't tan anymore. I just burn.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Well my Dad used to be a bank manager, and it got broken into. I always thought the bad guys were going to crawl through the basement window(my room) and take me hostage until my Dad opened the bank safe. Sad, but I was truly scared.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Watching my cousin Jaden, play.

25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
well I have two in my living room. One works and the other is being used as the tv stand. It doesnt work. I'm redneck!

26. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
laptop.

27. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
It depends on the season and whether or not i have guests/roommates.

28. What color are your sheets?
There are a really cute color of lime green. I heart them!!!

29. How many pillows do you sleep with?
I have a body pillow and a regular pillow

30. What is your favorite season?
spring

31. What do you like about autumn?
Multi-color leaves and pumpkins.

32. What do you like about winter?
Snow, snowdays, and Christmas.

33. What do you like about the summer?
lazy days at the park

34. What do you like about spring?
The temperatures, the flowers.

35. How many states have you lived in?
NO states, but three proviences, Alberta, Sask and Manitoba

36. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Goodeve, Melville, Bulyea, Medicine Hat, Strasbourg, Regina, Brandon, and theres more from when I was a baby, but I won't count those.

37. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Bare feet

38. Are you a social person?
Oh my gosh, yes. Too much.

39. What was the last thing you ate?
A really good piece of Chocolate cake for nates birthday.

40. What is your favorite ice cream?
plain old vanilla please

41. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
I don't like those. I'm not really a jam or jelly girl.

42. Do you like Chinese food?
Very much.

43. Do you like coffee?
Totally. All kinds. After working for a coffee shop though I've become a snot, and I really really like Guatamulain, and Kenya AA.

44. How many glasses of water per day do you drink on average?
I am trying for more, but I usually get around 4-5

45. What do you drink in the morning?
Coffee, Milk and Juice for my pills.

46. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yep, the middle. Koda sleeps on my left and DJ on my right.

If you read this, you have to do it too. And tell me, I want to read your answers!!!

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

I'll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all some day;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.



This is my favorite song. Always has been, and I hope it always will be. My Mom used to sing this to me, and I hope that someday I will be able to sing it to my future children. I found the site, with my favorite rendition of all. Hope you enjoy!! http://www.youaremyflower.org/home.html. I do not know yet know how to link.