I'm just plain annoyed!

I'm annoyed its true. Really really annoyed. I came home this Christmas all excited. I have one more semester left of University and then I am expected to grow up and enter the adult world. The world where I need to find a real paying job, pay bills, participate in adult activities.

It is true that I am hoping that I can get a job in and around Regina. I would love to stick close to home, but am willing to go whereever I have to go. What annoys me is when I talk about it, people get all discouraging. They tell me how hard it is to get a job here. How I'll struggle with my bills. How because I hate to cook that I'll never eat well. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I think people need to encourage one another. Please know that I know the odds of me finding a job in a big city is hard. Please also be aware that I know finding a job isn't the easiest thing. But really I'm trying to have confidence in my teaching abilities and learn to encourage myself. Your not helping! Thats my rant of the night. Hope you learned something about me!

A year in review!

Christmas time. I can't believe it. This is the time in my year when I decide how I feel my year went. Do I want to forget it? Remember every detail? Or feel just okay about the year. To be honest, I think I want to trash and forget this year. There have been some amazing moments and days, but there have been some pretty horrible times.

I like to save the best for last so heres my lowlights and my highlights.

LOWLIGHTS

• Jono - self explantory
• All choices made about boys this summer
• Moving home to a Church that was in some unrest and feeling like I had to pick sides and hating it.
• Realizing that who I've always wanted to be is a pipe dream and having to come to terms with my actual self. Scary I tell you. I'm still working on it.
• Thinking and feeling as if Val didn't love me and actually hated me.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Making good friends here in Regina, although I had amazing friends its always great to get more...... to say the least I've been blessed.
• Teaching grade 3 in Saskatoon. I loved every moment of teaching, ok thats a lie, I didn't love it when one puked on his desk.
• Craven as well as all the other musical acts I watched this summer
• Finishing this semester with better marks then I expected
• Discovering my love of Wascana park. I have learned to love the park and taking Molly there. Truly my favorite place in the whole city

I am so sure that there are way more highlights and lowlights that my tired brain isn't thinking about. This is a year where I think I'm finally coming to terms to who I am. I've also realized that no matter what I do, Mom is never coming back. Thats a harsh reality for me to realize now but I'm glad I did. I've also realized that my life choices aren't always the best and I need to think more and act less. Anyways, I also watched my Dad get married, and hes happy. They are happy. I've seen their happiness everyday this Christmas, in the way they flirt and touch. Its nice to see my Dad happy again. He deserves it.

So thats my year in review. Trash it, get rid of it, and I'm gonna start new and fresh next year!

Home for the Holidays!

I'm now home for the holidays! Feels so good to be home. I had to take the cats to a cat boarder, and I cried for a good half an hour after leaving them. Its so sad, but I really really find it hard to leave the cats. Anyways, I came home to a home that I think Santa threw up in. Its all decorated. You may not know that I dislike christmas decorations, but my parents house isn't so bad, but just lots of decorations. But eh, I don't have to clean it up so I won't complain. Too much. Anyways I'm at home and I love it. YAH REGINA!!! Merry Everything and Happy Today!!!

Did I just not get the memo?

So who was the person who decided that when you are done University that its time to get married? Was there a memo sent out that I haven't recieved yet?

Seriously people lets think about this. Marriage isn't for everyone. I'm not sure its in my future and if it is; its not going to happen until I am at least 26-28! Don't get your hopes up!
I was standing in line at the bank. I happened to get a teller that I know well from my church. Well she asks whats new, and being that I'm done school, I tell her about my excitement of that. Anyways she gets this twinkle in her eye and says, "no rings on your fingers yet?"

I laughed, pulled off my mitts and proudly show my bare fingers. "Nope, not for a while..." I respond. Well I think I shocked the pants off of her. The look on her face was like, come on, we haven't seen you with anyone specail in five years you need to get cracking, but instead she says, "Well you don't have much time, your done university soon. We need to get you married off."

Uh no! I want to be single after University. I want to see if I can hack it in the real world. Can I fend for myself? I want to prove it to myself.

So just let us be. Whether we are single or married. We will take the steps necessary for our own lives when we feel it best. We do not have to get married on your time. Would you rather me happy and married older or married young to the wrong man? I'm not saying that getting married young if wrong, its just not for me. So please just let us take the next steps in our lives when we are ready, is that too much to ask?

Brandon Wheat Kings, how I love thee!

I love the Brandon Wheat Kings. Since moving here in 2001, I have become a diehard fan. I keep up with trying to know all the players and their position. I try to go to every possible game, even if it means that its just me and Hannah. I do it! I just love them.

I noticed that someone left an anonymous comment on my blog telling me how much they suck and how they are in last place. Well your right Mr. Anonymous. They are having a horrible year. They are last, but I still love them. I am not a fairweather fan. I enjoy them when they are losing too. This is a rebuilding year. They have a young team, but you will say that there is no excuse. I agree, but what can we do. I enjoy the WHL and I enjoy my Wheaties!

No before all you people think I'm a puck or something, let me explain. I do NOT have a crush on any of the players. I do not want to date them or get to know them. I just like to watch them play hockey. They give it their best. They work hard and I enjoy watching someone play who really loves the game, and not just because they make 1 million dollars.

Anyways so next time you want to ditch my team, leave your name! I want to know what team you cheer for, and if its the Regina Pats, EWWW! They had just a bad year last year!

See those girls in the corner there. Yes those ones! --------------->
They are doing exactly the dance I was doing this afternoon around 3:00. I am offically completed my semester at Brandon University! I now am only one semester away from being a REAL teacher. Man oh man, there were times this semester when I thought it would never end. It feels so nice to know that I am done. The homework has all be handed in and I am free. Free to do my Christmas shopping, scrapbook, watch all the Oprah I want. I am so excited it's not even funny!

But at the same time I'm feeling a little scared. All I've known for the last 5 years is University life. How am I gonna survive in the real world? Anyways yeah for being done! Do the dance with me.

The Perfect Man???

The perfect man, does he exist or is this just another fairy tale? I'm not sure what I believe. Sometimes I think that he's out there and I will find him someday, and then sometimes I think about all my princess fantasys as a child, and think that the perfect man is just that a fantasy. Is there really someone out there who will be strong where I am weak and need me as much as I need him. I don't know. I guess this is where the waiting game comes in.

Supposedly I always pick the wrong men, I have been thinking about what I really truly want in a man. Here is my list.

• Funny, a man has to be able to make me laugh as well as laugh at me.
• Compassionate. Compassion is something that I would hope everyone would feel and have.
• I want someone who has baggage that matches mine. (yes i stole that from rent) but I am aware that I have some huge baggage and I need someone whos okay with that
• Someone who knows that I like to be treated like a princess. I don't need to be coddled and babied, but sometimes I do like to recieve flowers or a homemade card or just a note saying I like you! Maybe just romantic then!
• Fun. I want to play, from walking in the park to a picnic, to driving to Moose Jaw for the day just because we can. I want a spontanous man, who isn't afraid to try something new and is willing to just be fun!
• Honest. I want a man who can tell it like it is. Who won't lie to me about where hes going and whats he's doing. There needs to be trust in a relationship for it to work.
• Attractiveness- I am not saying that he needs to be a model, but if I was attracted to him that would be awesome. Hopefully he likes a little junk in the trunk and he'll be attracted to me too!
• Responsible- I want a man who knows what hes doing and where hes going. He should know or have an idea anyways of what he would like to do with his life and go after it. I'm not saying that he has to chose and go with that forever, but try stuff out. I'm not going to be okay with someone whos just gonna settle. He needs to be responsible for his actions and be willing to take the good consequences as well as the bad.
• I want a man who loves kids. Who loves to play and get down and dirty. Someone who enjoys learning and wants many kids of his own.
• My last requirment is pretty hard. I want a man who can get along with my family. Someone who fits in and who I don't have to fret about. He should be able to have a conversation with my grandparents or my cousins, or my parents. My brothers have to approve of the man. He should be able to converse with them and have them love him.

I don't know if this is a good list. I've figured that my old list should be thrown away as I was picking the wrong men. Heres a sample of my old list

• Does not live in his parents basement (unless he's in school)
• has a body
• pretends to listen when I talk
• wears clean clothes

Anyways, if you have any comments about the criteria, please leave a message. I'd love to hear from you!

When we grow up, I'm gonna marry you!

15 years ago respectively, I was informed that I was going to be a big sister once agian. I was so excited. Every time I felt the baby move, I would get more and more excited that I was going to getting a baby sister. At last it came time for the baby to come. I went to the dentist, Courtenay went to Lois's and Nancy and Dad went to the hospital. Imagine my surprise when Dad phoned with the news. I did not get what I wanted. God did not get my shipping order. He screwed up and gave me a brother. Well I was a little sad, but excited that there was going to be a baby anyways. I went to see him in the hospital. Isaac was the hugest baby. I swear he smiled at me that day. I held him all the time I could and I just loved to play with him.

I remember when Isaac was around 11 months. I would delibratly sneak into his room and shake and poke him awake. When he was awake, I would then go into my parents room and tell them Isaac's awake, I'll get up so you can sleep in. I would then get Isaac all to myself for at least half an hour. I just loved that time!!!

When Issac was entering the terrible twos, I was given another annoucement. Once agian, I was going to get a chance to be a big sister. I was so excited. I figured FOR SURE I was going to get a baby sister. I figured that I needed another sister. Well it just wasn't to be. I got another baby brother. Well this one was adorable. I would just sit there and hold him. I enjoyed watching Isaac boss Nathan around as they both got older. Nathan used to worship the ground Isaac walked on. They were inseperable, doing everything together, and being little dare devils that most boys are. I just loved them. They would be so honest, and so cute. I remember going to Silton church one Saturday for a wedding and as we're walking in, Isaac looks at me and says, "when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you Lindsay." So adorable. I remember how Nathan used to be in LOVE with Batman, and then there was the dinosaur stage. He could name every dinosaur and everything that he said had to do with dinos. CUTE!

As we all grew older, family issues ensued. They ended up going to live with their mom full-time and Courtenay and I stayed with our Dad. They would come every other weekend. When they were gone, it wouldn't be the same. I missed them so much! I missed so much of their childhood. Soon I grew into a teenager and I'm sad to say my friends took up much of my time. I then started working and I didn't make the time. Later I moved to Brandon and I feel like I have missed even more of thier life. I no longer can take seeing them for granted. I treasure every moment I get to see them.

Right now our relationship has grown. I am no longer seeing them as little boys. I have begun to see them as young men. Thats scary to me! They have touched my heart many times in this past little bit. From telling me that I'm pretty and deserve to find a great man to telling me that they love me. It means more to me then anything.

I wish more then anything that they didn't have to grow up without thier sisters and their dad! I can't change the situation, but I can tell them I love them. I can continue this relationship and work on getting to know them better. Anyways those are my little brothers. Both are taller and bigger than me. Both are amazing at fencing! I love you Isaac and Nathan!

PS. Nate anytime you want, I'm yours to sing you the Saskatchewan song. Just give me the Nod!

I really shouldn't admit this...but what the heck....

Mennonite......hmmm I want you to think about what that term means to you. What does it mean to me you ask?

Well if you had asked me what that word was 5 years ago. I would have looked at you blankly. I had no clue what a mennonite was. I had heard that word, but had no clue and just figured it was some odd wierd religous sect. Maybe I thought it had to do with ancestors, but really I didn't know.

When I moved to Brandon, I began to hear this word Mennonite repeated over and over.
"Oh that's the Mennonite in me..."
Then I decided to look for a church, and there were mennonite churchs. Man oh man, I was so confused. So I asked. I sucked in all my pride and finally blurted, "What the heck is a Mennonite?"

AND THEY LAUGHED! HARD AND LONG! So my friends, here is the defination of mennonite, courtesy of google.

Mennonite - The Mennonites are a group of Christian Anabaptist denominations based on the teachings and tradition of Menno Simons. They are one of the peace churches, which hold to a doctrine of non-violence, non-resistance and pacifism.They are the modern denominations which present many Anabaptist view.

I've now spent five years in Manitoba, and it never fails to surprise me that there are so many practising mennonites. Oi!

2 points of interest!

I have figured something out. My sleep schedule is just like a musical. If you think of how much music is in a musical and then how much talking. Imagine if you will, when I sleep thats the talking in the musical. When I'm awake thats the music in the musical. Its crazy. I mean I am totally tired. When I'm lying there I can't even keep my eyes open but my brain is thinking. And I think stupid things too.

I totally had to go pee in the middle of the night, but I was cold and didn't want to get out of bed. In my tired stupidness I thought about peeing the bed. It would have warmed me up right? Just so you know I didn't do it, and never would! But it did cross my mind. I thought about my mom, my sister, brothers, school. Stupid me.
Anyways.

More sad news! I took my cats to the vet today. Koda is completly healthy and doing great. Weighs 14.6 pounds, although hes supposed to lose at least 1 pound. DJ on the other hand is not as healthy. He weighs a whooping 15.2 pounds but he has a congenital heart murmer. On a scale of 1 - 6, six being the worst. DJ's is around a 4. I'm supposed to watch him. The doc says I'm not supposed to worry, but I will worry. Oh mi.

Little Known Facts

• I used to sleep with my arms crossed over my chest, somewhat like someone in a coffin, but I don't do that anymore cause I got bugged forever about it.
• I still sleep with a stuffed animal
• I have chewed my nails for years and can't seem to break the habit.
• My first best friend ever, was named Ryan and hes from Regina.
• I can remember every phone number and address that I have ever had or lived at.
• I snore, and am very embrassed about it
• I was a very angry kid, and used to take it out on my little sister. I regret it all the time!
• I have never liked my middle name.
• During my teenage years I was never once late for curfew, and if I was going to be late, I ALWAYS called!
• I used to sit in the corner and read my books for hours.
• I was never good at math, but I have always loved the feeling when I have completed a question that had multiply steps.
• I love Saskatchewan in an unusual way. I am proud to be from the easiet provience to draw, and I know all the words to the Saskatchewan Centennial Song.

Anyways those are some little known secrets or facts about myself! Anyways, now that you've all seen my inner geek, will you promise to still love me?

A super fun night!!!

I had a super fun evening. Remember how I was talking to some of you this week, and I was stating how I was so lonely and so bored in Brandon. Well tonite I did something fun and I loved it!!!

I have to admit I hadn't gotten to know some of the people in Education as well as I should have. I was a snob and I'm gonna admit that for the world to see. Anyways I went over to Michelles and had a games night. It was so much fun.

We played Scruples. Its a game where you are given a scenerio, and you have to decide if you would or wouldn't do something. For example. I was given the question: You know your attractive, would you use your sex appeal to advance in your career. I was then asked to say yes, no or depends. Well I said yes. If I thought I was attractive I would use it to my advantage. Everyone does it right?

Anyways I'll ask you a scruples question:
"You e-mail your picture to a gorgeous person you met on the internet. Do you mention you've gained 30 pounds since the picture was taken?"

Hmmmm, you tell me your answer and then I'll share mine!

Happy Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KODA!!! Today is Koda's third birthday. I am such a proud momma.

This is the story of Koda.

Three years ago yesterday I took my first student teaching class to the pet store to learn about different pets. The first graders had a good old time holding this cute little grey kitten. He was so patient. He was manhandled and passed around to 20 little people. He didn't cry and he sure didn't bite or scratch. I definatly feel in love. So the very next day, I went down to that pet store and scooped him up. I had no food, litter box, no nothing. I was definatly not ready to get a cat, and I actually wasn't allowed to have pets in my aparment, but I didn't listen. I just did it. I followed my heart and I'm so glad I did.

My reasoning: During this time I had just went through some stuff that was making me feel pretty crappy. I was lonely and scared and didn't want to be alone. When alone I had thoughts of suicide and that scared me beyond belief. My saving grace was Koda. I had watched Brother Bear (the disney movie) with Meghan and in that movie Koda that little bear saves the big bear Kenai. He does this by showing love and caring and a little bit of laughter. Well thats what Koda did for me. He sleeps with me and cuddles. He purrs and always comes to greet me when I get home. He fights with his older brother DJ, and they play and lick eachother.

So its my baby's third birthday. I've never once regretted buying him. His antics keep me laughing and happy. I know I may get harassed and bugged for this post, but wait till you meet him, hes a sweetie!