Thought I'd give it a try.....

I found this interesting little thing on a friends blog and thought I would try it for a few reasons.
1. I want to see who reads my blogs....
2. I want to know what people will say. This is always interesting, what events do you remember that maybe I forget, how have I touched you? Maybe all your memories are where you have been mad at me. But I want to hear them. Please share them. Thank you.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a frying pan either way.When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Cheap anyone???

I'm a cheap bugger! I realized that today when I went into my bedroom and realized that I could probably use my room as an extra freezer. So I decided to evaluate my situation. If you looked at my bed you would see 2 comforters, 2 thick blankets and then a couple just decorative blankets laying on the bed. I haven't turned on the baseboard heaters in there, cause I'm just too cheap right now.

So I walked out into my living room and looked at my couch. There was definatly two blankets sitting on the couch. Yep I cover myself with those cause once again too cheap!

I began to laugh at myself when I looked in the dryer. I seriously pretended that some of my summer clothes needed to be washed. I did that because the dryer heats up the whole house in like 20 minutes. Sometimes I start it just because the house needs to be heated. Its a whole lot cheaper and then I get to do my laundry.

I'm sure the cats just hate me. It's always cold. Maybe thats why Koda trys hard to push hard and get under my blankets in the middle of the night. He pushes and digs his head hard until I lift up my blanket and let him in. Hes damn stubborn!

So tell me, are you ever this cheap? Am I the only one?

I "heart" Regina

Its true. I do love Regina. For the past 8 months all I've wanted to do is move back. I'm so sick of Brandon. Brandon is a good little city, but my time here is done. I no longer see myself here for the rest of my life. I can see my life here winding down. I'm no longer taking leadership roles. Most of my friends are not from Brandon and they are all moving on. Its just time and its not that scary.

But the good news is that because of this, I get to move back to Regina. I got word this week that I will complete my last teaching placement in Lumsden Saskatchewan. I will be teaching in a grade 1/2 split class. I really wanted either grade 4 or 5, but I am extremly excited to try my hand in the split class. This is my final placement and should be good for me. Its going to test my limits and push my boundaries. But I will be at home. I get to move into a new apartment and live in the city that I love. I'll get to go to Wascana park when I'm feeling stressed, see my parents but not have to live with them.

Many may not know how much I had to fight to go back to Saskatchewan. Brandon University wasn't to happy to be sending me out of provience although they were more then happy to send people to Wales. It took a little bit of bitching and a whole lot of praying and I got the final word this week.

So girls and Will, this means we get to go apartment shopping. Keep your eyes and ears open for used couches as I won't have one when I move. I'll also be looking for a kitchen table, chairs. Yeah for Regina!

Mom's

Today I was walking through the University and I happened to overhear a conversation. Now I am sure they I wasn't supposed to hear, but I did, so we can't change the fact.

One girl was bitching and complaining that her parents were so stupid, her mom in particular. The one comment that drove my crazy: "I just wish she would die already. "

It took all my willpower not to go over there and slap her mouth. I honestly thought about how I could get a bar of soap. I would have then washed her mouth out with it. Yep that comment made me mad. I am one of those girls who takes offense to that kind of comment.
I don't care if you have the most horrible mother in the world! I guarentee that its better then not having a mom. People may say that their parents don't care and that they arn't loved. I don't believe that. I think your parents do care and they do love you, but sometimes they just don't know how to show it.

The way people talk, I know my Mom loved me. I know that she would have done anything for me. She loved her girls and she loved my Dad. As a little girl I put my mom on a pedestol. I decided that my Mom was perfect and that in her life she had done no wrong. But thats how she was portrayed. But as I've grown older I realize that there are many sides to me, what was my mom like.....did she sit and have margeritas with her girlfriends and talk about men? did she fight with her mom? What kind of rebellious acts did she do as a teenager? I would like to think that we would have been great friends, but I know we would have fought. I can only imagine the kinds of fights we would have got in to. I can see us arguing and then making up over a cup of milk and cookies or whatever. But enough of my ramble....

Anyways I wanted to go up to this girl and say: who wiped your tears when you were a little girl? Who took care of you when you were sick? Who went grad dress shopping and paid for the dress? Who taught you how to wear make-up? This is not a pity party for me. I'm the first to admit that I am and can get very jealous over people who have moms. Thats something I struggle with. But I do have one terrific Dad. I know I did a post on him before, but really if you haven't met him your missing out. He's fantastic! Sometimes though you just need a Mom, and he knows that. He has seen his limitations but he's always been there when it matters most. Anyways, please don't take your mom for granted. In a split second she could be gone. Quit reading and go hug your Mom! NOW!

I *heart* my Dad

I just love my Dad. Hes just plain amazing. I'm feeling pretty low. I'm sad about having to live in Brandon. I'm missing my classroom, my friends and my family. I'm scared of the future, and worried about money. My heart is broken and looks like its gonna be a long time till its healed. I'm having problems with my health, and its a scary time.

And my Dad is there. Just one quick phone call and almost everything feels better. Dad is able to talk and calm me down. He truly cares about me, he worries and its when I don't think he cares that he reminds me that he does.

I'm dealing with some medical stuff thats really getting me down. My dad knows and is trying to help. I can't seem to get a docter out here who will do anything. The fact that I'm not married or wanting kids means that the docs will do nothing. Thats scary to me. My step-cousin of sorts has the same thing, shes seeing a good doc in Calgary. Dad is willing to send me there to get me checked out. Thats an amazing Dad!

My dad raised two daughters on his own. He was the one we went to when it came to friend, boy problems. He helped us through the puberty things. I will admit to being a horrible teenager. I treated him like crap and he just took it and loved me through it.

Thanx Dad for showing me real love. Thank you for making sacrifices for us! You have given so much and I hope I can show you how much I appreciate it! I love you Dad!

My huge hurt!

Have you ever been lied to? Not like a little white lie, but a lie that when you find out you feel incredibly hurt and angry? Maybe even cheated? Well I was lied to, and now because of this, my head is spinning! I'm questioning my personality, looks, self-worth. I'm questioning who I was, and who I am, and who'll I'll become. What was the real reason? Thats a question that I can almost guareentee I'll never get the answer too. Do you realize that by that one little lie, you have ruined a friendship? Have you realized that my heart is broken. I'm not sad that we can never be friends, but I'm angry because you dragged me over the coals, and have made me pay for my sins over and over and yet you are the same! You have done many of the things that I have what makes you better then me? Why do you deserve to be happy and I don't? WHY DID YOU LIE? Can I not handle the truth? Is it so horrible that it shouldn't be spoken? I have never in my life felt so UGLY and so WORTHLESS, so ALONE! I can't believe I've let you have this much power over my life. I can't believe I would just let you take my heart, even if only for a mere second and squash it. I'm not even sure you have considered that maybe it meant more for me then it did for you?

This is my rant. This is my blog where I get to spew how much you hurt me and how much I struggle with this hurt. I blame you. I made decisions because of you and now my heart is bleeding even more! I want my heart healed! I don't want to look at you, think of you, hear you and remember. I want to get over it. I want to be at the point when I think I am beautiful and wonderful, but as I was working on that, and had made progress, you've now sent me back. I'm back farther. way further from where I started. Thanx. Someday my heart will heal, hopefully sooner or later. But be forewarned. I will never ever listen to anything you say again. I will regard your words as garbage. They mean nothing, nice, kind words from you will never work. I am over, done, I will try to get over it, just know!

I arrived...

So I arrived safely to Brandon, and got into my house. I was so excited to see my kitties, but I had to do the bathroom thing. So I'm on my way to the bathroom, and Koda seriously runs as fast as he can to the bathroom, paws on the door and begged to be let in. Being the nice momma I am, I let him in. I felt so loved and so needed. Koda loves me for me. He sees me in the morning when I'm looking like death. Hes seen me sick and hes seen me look beautiful when I get all dressed up. He loves me unconditionally. This is the reason I bought him. I was feeling incredibly lonely, unloved and hurt. Koda's been there through it all and he'll continue to work his magic forever if I had my way.

Koda really hasn't left my side since I came home. At the moment of this post, he is lying straight across my chest, with his head in the crook of my neck. He is purring rather loudly, and he keeps lookin at me with annoyance in his eyes because I am not petting him but rather typing to you readers. Occasionally I am blessed with a kiss and then a love bite on the tip of my nose or fingers. I just love him! Anyways I just wanted to tell you how much I missed him and how glad I am that we can be together again.

Back to B-town!

Back to Brandon and the daily grind. I enjoyed this last teaching placement more then anything. I loved the school, the teachers, and especially the students! I was truly blessed with the students I had. These students always put their best effort forward. They worked so hard, learned so much.
They gave me the best going away party ever. We played games and ate popcorn. They surprised me with a couple songs and gave me a class picture of them making silly faces.

I had a couple who didn't want to see me leave. One sobbed, one asked me how much money they had to give me to make me stay. And believe me there were a lot of hugs. Even tears on my part. They just touched me so much. I had to agree to try to come to the Christmas concert just so they would all go home. Good times, I'll never forget them!

Anyways its back to the daily grind. Back to school work and hopefully a job that I'm gonna love. I took a nannying job taking care of a 10 month old baby boy. Should be great. I'm going to be super busy with school work though, as I didn't do any of it while away in Saskatoon. Anyways I'll still try to update.

Just some tidbits!

Well I had my final evaulation today, and supposedly I'm going to be a good teacher. Anyways the faculty advisor said some major nice things and I'll admit I blushed! Anyways I find it hard to toot my own horn in those kind of settings so I'm glad someone else could toot it for me.

Anyways I'm somewhat looking forward to going back to Brandon, but I really wish that I could stay here and keep on teaching. I am really enjoying this class and this school. Really is my dream school.

This weekend was pretty swanky. I played some RISK, went out for some drinks, met a lesbian and watched them grind on the dance floor.

BUT THE BEST PART OF THE WEEKEND........... was learning how to torture my little brother Nathan. I found out that he LOVES it when I sing the Saskatchewan Song. He enjoys it when I sing it loud and proud while I hold him down on the couch and sing it. Anyways, seeing as I can't beat him up anymore, this is way more effective.

Speaking of little brothers I will have to post a picture of the two. They are huge. They are both at least 8 and 10 years respectivly younger then me and they are both way taller then me. Sheesh. Oh well, thats the way life goes.

Anyways I should leave this blog, I'm currently using my cousins comp as I left my charger in Regina and have no battery left on the laptop.

12 more days!

Well I don't think I know anyone more excited then my friend Meghan. She has been counting down the days to the new Harry Potter movie for probably close to a year. She has been watching the website for new trailers and knows all the trivia. This girl is a fan. She prepaid for the lastest book, and I don't think she put it down the whole weekend. I bet she didn't even get out of her pajamas, she was too into the books, but I'll let her clarify how fast she read it. She has a good reason for being such a fan, I don't know if you have ever read the books, but thier amazing!

I had planned on being the first person to read the series and hated it. I was so sure I could hold that title. But Meghan didn't believe me. She knew I wouldn't be able to do it, so she gave me her books to read. I couldn't put them down. I know thier for kids but I love them.

Anyways more about Megs. Many of you haven't met her, but you should. Shes cool. She was one of the girls I met in dorms first year. We have remained close friends ever since. Shes an amazing student, friend, daughter, granddaughter. Shes always been there for me, listening to me cry on the phone or go to the Wheat King games and cheer loud and proud. Meghan is so thoughtful, one night during an extremly horrible stressful time in my life, knowing how much I love my princess stuff, she shows up at work. I would have been happy with that, but no she went above and beyond, she bought me princess keychains and a day planner. I don't think there was a happier person in the whole place.

Anyways Mexi if your reading this, we only have 12 more days till our date with Harry. Mark it on the calender. ITs on!

She Walks!

Man I wish I could put video on this thing, as Jaden has started walking. This adorable little 10 month old is just a-moving. This little one is so dang cute.

You should hear her talk. She will have a little conversation with you, and she looks like she means it.

She also loves to go straight for the dog food. I mean we'll put it up and then distract her. Later, and I mean maybe like an hour or two, we'll be sitting and playing in the living room, she'll just take off. As fast as she can, and she goes straight for the dog dish. I've even moved it to another part in the kitchen and seriously she always go right for it. Dang shes smart.

Have I told you how much she hates her carseat? SHE HATES IT! She will scream and cry for the whole car ride, and then as we stop and take her out, I'm not kidding she immediatly stops crying. So funny.

Anyways maybe you guys have realized how much I love this little one. I really enjoy living with her and her parents, but guareenteed I am SO not ready to have one on my own. I have realized that there is not one in my immediate future. But doesn't mean I can't enjoy other peoples children.

Plastic Surgery Anyone?

Recently while getting my eyebrows waxed, my waxer asked me, "If you could go on Extreme Makeover, what would you get done?" And I've been thinking about it.... on and off. I have some issues with my looks, but I don't think that I could change my face. I mean, I look like my mom and like my paternal grandmother. I am proud that I have thier traits and thier looks. I have always believed that they were beautiful women. Both in looks and in personality. Anyways, but I would definalty do lots of work below the neck. I mean a boob lift, as well as lots of liposuction. But then would I really appreciate my body? I mean I think I would better appreciate it if I had worked hard. So I guess my answer is nothing. I would do NOTHING! What about you?

No arguments here!

Yes I won't argue. My cats like to lick eachother. Its sad but funny in a way. They are both fully grown adult male cats. They love eachother. Are they gay? I'm not sure. I would like to think that they are like really close brothers. I mean, if your brother asked you to scratch his back you would do it right? While my cats don't have claws (the horror, I'm so mean) anyways, and as we know cats tongues are prickly, so I am leaning towards the thought that they choose to scratch eachothers backs with thier tongues. Makes sense right?

Anyways I seriously miss my cats more then anything. It doesn't seem right that I got all attached to them agian and then had to leave. I know they miss me. Koda James will go into my room and cry for me. One night he thought I was on the step, so he cried in the storage room waiting for me. Sure wasn't me. Was Carla, the roomies sister. Kick ass sister too! Anyways Koda is like a little toddler. He likes to be cuddled and held and bugs you at all the wrong times. DJ is more like a teenager. Hes outgrown his warm and cuddly side. He prefers to be left alone and will only cuddle if you have food. I mean you have to get cuddles somewhere right? Anyways they are my babies. I get so much enjoyment from them, watching them fight, play, lick(i mean scratch) eachother. I get to see them in 2 more weeks. Yeah!

Broken

This song is a song that I have found myself coming back too over and over in my life. I first was introduced to this song, during some extremly diffucult times that I had brought onto myself as well as having my Gramma Gray pass away at the same time. It feels appropriate to bring it out agian. I have found myself listening to it, and it's words have not changed but they circumstances have. And this song still applies. You may be sick of hearing it, but this is my spiritual journey, and it helps me to put it down into words and to be able to express myself like this.

Broken

You said I’d have no more then I can handle
But everyday seems to be getting harder to be good
Through you, you said I can do anything
But sometimes I feel like I can’t do it at all.

I’ve been knocked down and dragged around,
And now I don’t know which way to go.
All I need is one small sign to point me to the way
Where you want me
I’m confused so I’m calling on you

Cause I’m broken and I’m ready for you to pick up the pieces
Won’t you direct me, hold me, accept me and move me
Put the fragments of my life back together again
Cause I’m broken

Somewhat embarrassed to admit this
But I wonder if it’s the other or if its you
Is he trying to tempt me or is it you who strengthens me
I’m weak so I’m confessing to you

That I’m broken and I’m ready for you to pick up all the pieces
Won’t you direct me and hold me, accept me and mold me put the fragments of my life back together again

My pride has been bruised
But I suppose that’s good
My will to you I surrender
Oh, I surrender.
Cause I’m broken, and I’m ready for you to pick up all the pieces
Direct me and mold me, accept me and hold me
Put the fragments of this life back together again,
Cause I’m broken

As for the song, I'm not quite sure who sings it, but if you know, make sure to comment and let me know!

Okay, so this morning I'm getting ready for church. I've caked the make-up on, and I'm slowley doing my hair. As I finish using the blow-dryer and just finish styling. I lean in, lean in REALLY close to the bathroom mirror and OH MI GOSH, I see a grey hair. I'm not kidding. Little panic thoughts started running though my head. I think about how my gramma went grey by 25. I think about how I'm only three year off that.....what to do, what to do.

So in my logical thinking, I call my cousin, maybe I'm just seeing things. Maybe its just a figment of my imagination. I asked her, and she says yes indeed I have a grey hair. She then proceeds to look at the back of my head and points out another. What is going on? I am not old enough to have grey hair. I have no kids, no grandkids. I am not even finished university.

Well I guess I'm going to just have to wait. I'm not going to pull them. I'll learn to love them even if it kills me, but just know that I'm not impressed about having them. Just means I'm going to start to have to dye my hair if I get an abundance of grey hair. OI!

THE CLASS IS MINE......

Wow, I am so super excited. I officially took over the class on Friday. I loved every minute of it. I love watching the kids get excited over figuring out estimating and centimetres. I love it when we are in the most suspenseful part of thier book and I make them stop reading to make predictions and they just toss out the most amazing guesses and predictions. And I especailly love how they beg me to keep reading so they can find out the real story.

Many of you know and many will not know that I never wanted to get into teaching originally. I felt some family pressure, both imagined and real to go to University and with that pick a career. I choose teaching as it was what my mom did and I figured hey what the heck, if she could do it so can I. Helped that I love kids too. Anyways, as I got into my second year I seriously began to doubt teaching. I didn't think I would like it. It looked like too much work and I wanted out. But I promised my Dad as well as others that I would go student teaching once and then make my decisions. Well my first student teaching went good, and I decided that I didn't have to be a teacher forever, but that an education degree or any degree by that matter would help me out someday, so I kept with it.

My love for teaching keeps on growing. Although I never want to get out of bed, I enjoy my drive to school in the morning and I enjoy seeing those kids day in and day out. I truly believe that teaching is for me now and that I have picked the right career. I can't imagine myself doing any other job. I enjoy the marking, grading, the lesson planning and preparing. I enjoy the actual act of teaching and I just LOVE hearing those kids say Miss Gray or Miss G. Although that can wear after they've said it 100 billion times in one day. But thier almost trained! I guess I do want to stay in school forever! :P

More about last night......

I thought I would update a little more about last night.....

Another thing that I loved that Connie said that when we don't feel good about ourselves, and we have low self esteem or low self image, jumping into a relationships isn't going to change any of that. Any struggles we have with our self-image/esteem while we're single, if we feel that void while we're still single, it won't dissapear once we're hooked up. We need to be completely content and completely satisfied with ourselves before we try to make anyone else do that for us. Connie stressed that to feel good about ourselves, we need to fulfill our purpose of glorifying God. THis will bring a deep contentment and love for outselves. Connie stressed that signifigant others will not give us that deep contentment. They will in fact somewhat make life a little more fun but they are not the be all and end all.

Anyways you guys know that I struggle with my self-esteem and I have never thought about it that way. I'm so impressed that Connie could hammer home this point to me. I think that it was a point that I needed to know and needed to learn.

Anyways theres lots more that I haven't written down, basically cause I'm way to lazy, so I would challenge you to look at my links and click on Kim and read hers. She is a great writer and she went into some details I didn't.

Tonite!

I know, I know I should really help my addiction and quit blogging two times in a day but this is way too cool not to.

I went to this thingy called Young Adults at Ebenezer Baptist tonight. I have to admit, I was a little leery. It kinda scares me to go into a new place where I KNOW NO ONE, but Kim T. came with me and made me feel better. Anyways..... so we get there and people weren't overly friendly but hey, thats okay. Kim and I sat at a table, and the guest speaker for the night ended up sitting with us.

WHAT A GREAT SPEAKER!!! The message of the night was "Surviving Singleness" You guys all know my now that I can not be single. I hate being single infact. I struggle with this among other things. Anyways the guest speaker was Connie and her talk totally shot straight to my heart. One of her big points was that she didn't want us to survive singleness, she wanted us to thrive in singleness. WOW! What an amazing point.

Another big thing that I took away from this presentation was that we NEED to be honest with God, and really how hard that is it do sometimes. Connie spoke about how she had gotten dumped and then went on a rant and rave at God for two hours. She spoke about using language that was meant to offend and how she told him her hurts, and about her anger. Told him her dreams as well as her wants and needs. She even accused him of not being faithful. And you know what, God listened.

I'm really feeling, actually I'm not quite sure I can describe how I'm feeling, but I don't think I have ever been truthful to myself or to God. There are many things that I think I need to keep hidden: desires, dreams, regrets and such. And God already knows all that, but I think he needs me to tell him. Anyways I'm off on a tangent. But its my blog and I can tangent when I want.

So anyways I left that meeting if you will, tonite, feeling a little lost. I'm really at a crossroads. What do I want from this life. Connie spoke with such passion and such hope for single christians, its hard not to see God in her, but is that for me? Do I really believe there is that God out there. Can God forgive for all the stuff that I regret. How can he still love me after all I've done to my body and to my mind. Can he forgive all the stuff I've said and I've done. I know that the answer is yes, but I don't believe it in my heart. Anyways I'm done rambling.... more tomorrow!

My Second Evaluation

So today was the day of my second evaluation. It did not go well. Maybe I shouldn't say that. I was not on my game today. I totally screwed up my lesson and the kids just didn't get it. I hate teaching completly new concepts. The kids just have the hardest time grasping it. Oh well. Anyways she said everything was fine, but she doesn't like that I allow as much talking as I do. Except that I'm okay with the talking. I just have issues with the kids when they don't listen, and they didn't always listen, but I had the techniques worked out and they worked. Anyways enough of my rant. Just drives me crazy. One little bit, at least the evaluator said that I was going to be a good teacher. Infact she said solid, well rounded excellant teacher but... anyways.

I have been looking forward to tonite for a week. Tonite I don't have to go to that horrid exercise class that just about kills me and I get to hang out with Kim T. Shes super amazing, encouraging and a complete woman of god. I'm inspired. Anyways we are hitting up a college and career type thing. Should be good, in fact the talk is about Surviving Singleness, and if you remember my pledge, I am gonna need alot of help! Anyways thats all for tonite, I think I've bored you to tears!

2nd Evaluation

Well tomorrow is my second evaluation and there is no crazy angry dinosaurs doing the macerana in my tummy. Its kinda wierd. You would think that I should be nervous, but I'm not nervous at all. I feel quite prepared and in fact excited. I enjoy teaching math, and we are doing some super fun activities so I know the kids will enjoy it.

Anyways I'll update when I get my evaluation.

What kind of Tree are you?

So I got this email today, and it was all about when you are born and then what kind of tree I am. So I looked and this is what it said:

Poplar Tree (the Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Anyways so some is true, and some I have issues with. Anyways interesting tidbit for all to see. If you want this email, just ask I'll forward.